I’d like to get serious for a minute about something that I find to be quite mysterious: the gradual disappearance of nose warts on witches. Have they simply gone out of style? Are they being removed? In today’s environment of cosmetic surgery, how are we to tell a witch from an everyday woman? I just don’t know any more!
Chin hairs seem to be all but a thing of the past as well. And if you ask me, it’s a real shame. I blame the booming spa industry for the sudden disappearance of the trademark crows feet and dried, knobby knuckles! What woman, witch or not, doesn’t like to be pampered? It’s simply too difficult for them to resist. But it’s messing with tradition! In my day, which wasn’t so long ago, I can assure you, a proper witch grew her fingernails long and yellowed, and sported a set of worm infested wooden teeth.
It’s starting to feel like there aren’t any witches out there anymore, wouldn’t you say? And yet this is undoubtedly a false impression due primarily to the fact that our beloved crooked-backed crones are trading in their old broomsticks for Volvos (which, according to a 2009 survey conducted at Cambridge university, is the preferred witch mode of transportation). I, myself, have seen a pointy hat or two poking out the window of a passing VW Bug. But, alas, even the days of the pointy hat seemed to be nothing more than a fond memory. Do they still have huge ovens and monstrous caldrons hidden away in their homes, or do they, instead, stir their vats of bubbling potion in plastic Tupperware, and try to lure children into their microwaves?
Once more, I haven’t the answers.
And then again, it could simply be a fashionable glamour; a spell cast upon us all that will simply need to run its course. In the meantime, I will reminisce, and cross my fingers that my favorite trademark of the wise old women of magic shall never go out of style. I am speaking of course of the bone chilling sound of the high-pitched witch's cackle. May it live forever!